其实,性暴力、性侵害、性骚扰,从来都离我们并不遥远。美国钢琴创作歌手 Tori Amos 写下这首 Me And A Gun,真实地纪录下被强暴的创伤经验,很痛,很难受,但是用爱以及音乐,她帮助自己找回相信生命的力量,想分享这样的故事给妳。(Tori Amos 写歌,你可以写下文字!女人迷活动:这不是妳的错,妳不需要独自承受

美国钢琴创作歌手 Tori Amos 歌词与曲寓意深刻而刻划入心,在台湾大家听过她的歌,大概就是孙燕姿曾经翻唱过的 Silent All These Years 讲爱情的失去与空白。

收录于1991年第一张专辑“Little Earthquake”里,王菲翻唱成“冷战”。

这里,我想讲的是,这张专辑里的最后一首歌“Me and a Gun”,Tori 勇敢把自己曾经被强暴的遭遇、对强暴者的控诉、与当时的心情描写.. 剧细靡遗的写成这首令人揪心的歌。(推荐阅读:2000 个被强暴后的勇敢故事

 

Me and a Gun

5am friday morning thursday night far from sleep                   
I'm still up and driving can't go home obviously
So I'll just change direction cause they'll soon know where I live 
And I wanna live 
Got a full tank and some chips 

It was me and a gun and a man on my back 
And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants

You can laugh
Its kind of funny
Things you think
Times like these
Like I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this

Yes I wore a slinky red thing 
Does that mean I should spread for you, your friends 
Your father, Mr Ed 

It was me and a gun and a man on my back 
But I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this

And I know what this means 
Me and Jesus a few years back used to hang 
And he said "it's your choice babe just remember 

I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time so you choose well" 
Tell me whats right 
Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville 

It was me and a gun and a man on my back 
But I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this
and do you know CAROLINA 

Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through your head when there's a man on your back 
And you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic Chadic

It was me and a gun and a man on my back 
But I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this
I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this

礼拜五清晨五点,她无法回家,因为担心强暴者会跟踪她,而知道她住哪里。当那个男人拿枪指着她、并脱下他的裤子时,她想着上天,并想到她还有一直想去、但还没去过的地方,想到 Carolina 那个又甜又软的好吃饼干,所以她必须活下来!

她说:“难道就因为我穿了红色紧身洋装,就必须把我自己交给你,你的朋友们,和你的爸爸分享吗?”(到这里才知道,令人心痛的是,强暴她的不止一个人)(同场加映:裙子穿得再短,都没有人应该被侵犯

然后,她讽刺的说,这就像耶稣被残酷的钉在十字架上后,人们对他说 “记住,这是妳的选择。”

“I really do feel as though I was psychological mutilated that night and that now I'm trying to put the pieces back together again. Through love, not hatred. And through my music. My strength has been to open again, to life, and my victory is the fact that, despite it all, I kept alive my vulnerability."

Tori 说,歌词里的枪,其实是一把刀,强暴他的人,原本是要杀了她的,如果没有趁着对方去买毒品的时候脱逃,她只会是新闻报导里的另一个牺牲者、让母亲伤心的女儿。活下来后,她决定把那段破碎的经验重新拼凑,用爱跟自己的音乐,让自己的力量,在生命中重新绽放,而她的成功,其实是从不忘记自己的伤痛里,焠炼出来的。(推荐阅读:写下你的痛,我们都懂,我们陪你勇敢

Tori 演唱 “Me and A Gun”

或许我们没有过 Tori 的痛苦遭遇,但成长过程中,多少都会有不开心而想忘记的事情发生,是选择让背负着悲伤痛苦而假装遗忘,还是勇敢面对?如果在揭露伤疤的过程中,会再度面临痛苦,那为何我们还要面对呢?Tori 自己说了,她选择了不忘记。因为不忘记,才能不再逃避、不再背负着秘密,而真正放下。(同场加映:写在退选之后:性骚扰经验,让我无法同情陈为廷

最后,她用属于自己的方式,来勇敢面对、倾诉、化解伤痛。想想自己平时喜欢做、擅长做的事情,或许可以从中找到化解,让自己走出阴霾。毕竟连 Tori 遇到这么糟的事,都能够走出来、让自己成功了,更何况是我们呢?