当妈妈,希望一切大小事在掌控中,但蜜雪儿认为,成为妈妈,人生不照着计画走才是做有趣的部分。梅根与蜜雪儿聊母职、谈孩子,原来第一家庭的妈妈们和我们有同样的烦恼,而她们分享:“孩子,不要完成我的愿望,请成为自己;妈妈,我们一起练习,在爱里放手。”

“我会是一个好妈妈吗?”这个问题,不只我们曾经想过,第一家庭的妈妈们也正烦恼着。

新手妈咪梅根・马克尔(Meghan Markle)在九月份英国 《Vogue》 杂志向美国前第一夫人蜜雪儿・欧巴马(Michelle Obama)提问,两个妈妈们展开了对母职、教养的六问六答。(延伸阅读:打破传统!英国梅根王妃选择在家生下宝宝

带你一起看,两位妈妈们经历了哪些互相激荡的对话,让蜜雪儿・欧巴马最后告诉梅根:“享受这一切吧!”(Savour it all!)


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所谓当妈妈这件事,是一次又一次学习“放手”

梅根:今年母亲节,妳传了非常温暖的祝福讯息给我。聊聊“母职”,教会了我们什么?
You sent me the kindest message on Mother’s Day this year. What has motherhood taught you?

蜜雪儿:当一个母亲是一趟深度学习“放手”的过程。即使我们穷尽一切努力,在我们掌握之下的事情仍然有限。作为一名母亲,我们只是不希望任何事或任何人伤害我们的宝贝,但人生往往在计画之外,包括那些瘀青的膝盖、颠颇的路,和受伤的心,都是我们要练习与之相处的。

Being a mother has been a masterclass in letting go. Try as we might, there’s only so much we can control. And, boy, have I tried – especially at first. As mothers, we just don’t want anything or anyone to hurt our babies. But life has other plans. Bruised knees, bumpy roads and broken hearts are part of the deal.

“母职”教会我的事是,多数时候,我的工作不是要让孩子成为当年我希望成为的人,而是给孩子们空间去探索,发展出他们理想的模样,并打从心底知道自己是谁。

Motherhood has taught me that, most of the time, my job is to give them the space to explore and develop into the people they want to be. Not who I want them to be or who I wish I was at that age, but who they are, deep inside.

母职还教我的事是,我的工作不该像推土机一样,为孩子开辟一个康庄大道,减少所有可能的逆境。与其如此,我要是一个当他们无可避免地坠落时,令人安心、感到坚定、能降落的所在;同时,一次又一次地展现给他们看:如何靠自己的力量重新站起来。

Motherhood has also taught me that my job is not to bulldoze a path for them in an effort to eliminate all possible adversity. But instead, I need to be a safe and consistent place for them to land when they inevitably fail; and to show them, again and again, how to get up on their own.


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孩子,不要完成我的愿望,请成为自己

梅根:你给你的女儿们哪些建议?

What advice do you give your daughters?

蜜雪儿:不要像当年的我一样,只是把应该要做的事情,一个一个从清单里打勾完成。我告诉她们,我希望她们不断地尝试新经验,直到感觉对了。而你前一天感觉对的事,不一定今天也有同样的感觉,这是 OK 的,甚至很棒的。

Don’t just check the boxes you think you’re supposed to check, like I did when I was their age. I tell them that I hope they’ll keep trying on new experiences until they find what feels right. And what felt right yesterday might not necessarily feel right today. That’s OK – it’s good, even.

当我还在念大学时,我以为我想成为一名律师,因为它听起来是一个给善良、值得尊敬的人的工作。我花了好几年去聆听自己内心的直觉,才找到一条由内而外更适合成为自己的道路。

When I was in college, I thought I wanted to be a lawyer because it sounded like a job for good, respectable people. It took me a few years to listen to my intuition and find a path that fit better for who I was, inside and out.

成为自己,是一个不断进行的过程,感谢天,因为如果哪一天醒来,没有任何目标能决定前进,人生还有什么乐趣呢?这点是我希望我可以早点领悟的。还是年轻女性时,我花太多的时间担心我做得不够,或我离我自以为的既定道路太远。

Becoming who we are is an ongoing process, and thank God – because where’s the fun in waking up one day and deciding there’s nowhere left to go? That’s something I wish I’d recognised a little earlier. As a younger woman, I spent too much time worrying that I wasn’t achieving enough, or I was straying too far from what I thought was the prescribed path.

我希望我的女儿们早一点明白的事是,转一个弯是没有关系的,而这份自信是需要时间才能明白的。

What I hope my daughters will realise a little earlier is that there is no prescribed path, that it’s OK to swerve, and that the confidence they need to recognize that will come with time.


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教孩子长大,不分你是男孩还是女孩

梅根:如果这些建议要给儿子们,会有哪些不同?或者相同?

How would that advice be different if you were offering it to sons? Or would it be the same?

蜜雪儿:建议会完全相同。我的父母,尤其是我的爸爸,在我哥哥和我很小的时候就教我们平等地对待男生和女生。当我还在读小学时,我的父亲买了一组拳击手套给我哥,但当他从店里走回家时,他并非买一组,而是两组手套。在没有确保自己的女儿也可以打出一个左勾拳前,他是不会教自己的儿子如何用拳头的。

It would be exactly the same. My parents, particularly my father, taught my brother and me at an early age to treat boys and girls exactly the same. When I was still in elementary school, my dad bought my brother a pair of boxing gloves. But when he came home from the store, he was carrying not one, but two pairs of gloves. He wasn’t going to teach his son to punch without making sure his daughter could throw a left hook, too.

现在,我的年纪、体型比哥哥小,但我能跟得上他。我可以像他一样躲开猛击,也可以像他一样用力挥拳。我爸爸知道这个,也希望我哥哥也看到这件事,我们是平等的。

Now, I was a little younger and a little smaller than my brother, but I kept up with him. I could dodge a jab just like he could, and I could hit just as hard as him, too. My father saw that. I think he wanted to make sure that my brother saw that as well.


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教育,可以改变一个女孩的人生

梅根:是什么激励了你创办女性机会联盟 Girls Opportunity Alliance,而你的目标又是什么?
(女性机会联盟 Girls Opportunity Alliance 是一隶属在欧巴马基金会底下的计画,寻求教育管道来赋予青少女力量)

What inspired you to start the Girls Opportunity Alliance [a programme of the Obama Foundation that seeks to empower adolescent girls through education], and what is your goal?

蜜雪儿:今日,世界上有将近 9800 万青少女没有上学。对女孩来说,是一个悲剧,当然,对我们来说也是。想像一下我们正在错过的事情。我们知道,当我们教育女性,当我们真正地投资她们的潜能,所带来的美好将无可限量。受教育的女性拥有更健康的家庭,她们赚更多的薪水,当女性可以投身职场,世界也会享受他们投身带来的正向影响。

Today, nearly 98 million adolescent girls around the world are not in school. That’s a tragedy – for the girls, of course, but also for all of us. Think of everything we’re missing out on. We know that when we educate girls, when we truly invest in their potential, there is no limit to the good it can do.Girls who attend school have healthier families, they earn higher wages, and the world gets to experience the full expression of their gifts.

我创立女性机会联盟,因为我曾经在我自己身上看见教育的力量。而且我相信每一个小女孩,无论她身处什么情况,她都值得一个学习的机会,以她的知识去成长跟行动。

I formed the Girls Opportunity Alliance because I’ve seen the power of education in my own life. And I believe that every little girl, no matter her circumstances, deserves the opportunity to learn, grow and act on her knowledge.

因此,我们串连世界各地深耕当地的领导者们,帮助他们从彼此身上学习、得到资源、互助支持,并提供可以促进女力抬头的社群平台。我们很感谢世界各地有许多人支持,并有兴趣对这项计画采取行动。

So, we’re connecting grass-roots leaders already working on the ground in countries all over the world, helping them to learn from each other and get the resources, support and platform they need to lift up girls in communities that can use a boost. And we are grateful to all the people around the world who have supported this programme and are interested in taking action to help.


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只要还有女孩被噤声,就没有停止奋战的一天

梅根:如果你坐在 15 岁的自己身旁,你认为她看见今日的成就,她会告诉你什么?

If you were sitting down with your 15-year-old self, what do you think she would tell you, seeing who you have become today?

蜜雪儿:我爱死这个问题了。我 15 岁的时候很快乐,但青少年时期的我对自己有很高的期待与要求。所以,我猜想她应该会对我现在成为的样子感到很骄傲,但她不会轻易放过我。我感觉,她会对我代表认同的静静点头,你懂吧?

I love this question. I had a lot of fun when I was 15, but when it came right down to it, teenage-me was pretty by the book – straight As, through-the-roof standards for herself. So I imagine that she’d be proud of how far I’ve come – but she wouldn’t let me off the hook, either. I feel like she’d give me one of those silent nods of recognition, you know?

她提醒了我,还有许多在南芝加哥的女孩们被噤声、被唾弃,或者被说:“妳们梦做得太大了。”她会告诉我,持续为她们奋战。如果要我诚实地说,她应该会因为我的老公很可爱而会心一笑。

She’d remind me there are still too many girls on the South Side of Chicago who are being shushed, cast aside or told they’re dreaming too big. She’d tell me to keep fighting for them. If I’m being honest, she’d probably smile about how cute my husband is, too.

当妈有时像魔法,享受这一切吧!

梅根:现在,让我们换一个方向,用一个不按牌理出牌的问题来结束访问:你听过最美丽的声音是?

And now to shift gears for a moment, and end with a wild-card question...What is the most beautiful sound that you’ve ever heard?

蜜雪儿:当玛莉雅跟娜塔莎刚出生时,巴拉克・欧巴马光是看着他们睡觉就能花掉好几个小时。我们好爱听她们发出的小小声音,尤其是他们熟睡作梦时。但别误会我的意思,当小小孩的爸妈是很累人的。我相信这些日子以来你已经略知一二。

When Malia and Sasha were newborns, Barack and I could lose hours just watching them sleep. We loved to listen to the little sounds they’d make – especially the way they cooed when they were deep into dreaming. Don’t get me wrong, early parenthood is exhausting. I’m sure you know a thing or two about that these days.

但关于家里有一个宝宝,有一些神奇的事。时光延展和收敛,每一个瞬间都拥有属于自己的片刻永恒。我很高兴你跟哈利正在经历这些。梅根,享受这一切吧!

But there is something so magical about having a baby in the house. Time expands and contracts; each moment holds its own little eternity. I’m so excited for you and Harry to experience that, Meghan. Savour it all.


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成为母亲,成为自己

杂志未出刊,我们已经可以从梅根和蜜雪儿・欧巴马的访问中感受到,梅根要透过这一次机会,团结各地女性力量的企图心。她不只要让具有影响力的名字被记得,更要让世界重新认识女性带来的改变。(延伸阅读:Handsome Lady|不只是哈利王子未婚妻!梅根・马克尔:我自信,我是女性主义者

蜜雪儿・欧巴马没有以前第一夫人之姿论相夫教子之道,她真挚且脚踏实地地说为母心声,让我们与梅根看到,无论贫富贵贱,天下所有母亲的心,都是一样温暖如水。

我们看见,放手不只是属于母亲的练习,更是每个人在成长过程中,要寻找的勇气与智慧;我们看见,聆听内在的声音与召唤,是一趟值得花时间去经验的旅程;更重要的是,我们看见,每一个女人,包括第一家庭的女性,都在成为母亲的过程中,重新认识女孩时期的自己,以更坚定的模样,踏在成熟女人的路上。