美国的一位前总统 (Benjamin Frankin) 曾写一封信鼓励他的朋友要结婚。他说结婚才是一个完整的结合,而且结婚会让一个男人更成功更好,更会找到真正的快乐。他又呼吁,若真的不结婚,那要选“熟女”来做伴侣!

他提了8个理由:

  1. 较有智慧,易沟通
  2. 知道如何服务照顾男人
  3. 不会有要照顾小孩的烦恼(孩子已大了,或不会再生了)
  4. 对一个男人的名誉比较好
  5. .... 嗯,反而感觉更好,因为熟女有耐性,有经验
  6. 和熟女在一起比较没有罪恶感
  7. 因为比较不会内疚,可以快乐的和伴侣在一起
  8. 熟女会感激你!

但,无论如何,他最后还是建议结婚才是最好的方式。


我觉得这封信很有意思,这是西元1745年的信。可以了解结婚在那时候也是一个严重的话题,而,都过267年了,女人的角色似乎还是一个男人的〝选择〞。

男人和女人的心态完全不同,
男人要名誉要轻松,
女人要安稳要可靠。

其实,男人女人要的都很好,困难的就是要找到平衡。

记得,有一天在路上听到两位男士的对话:

A:我女友很有规划,也把自己照顾的很好,她在外商工作,一直都会争取到她要的。又常常出差... 纽约,伦敦,东京都常去。我好心赏她的能力和独立。

B:听起来很优,我记得她也很漂亮!

A:是啊~ 我想赶快结婚,不然男女朋友有时吵个架就分了。

B:快结婚吧!

A:然后结了婚,赶快生!

B:这么急啊?

A:这样她就真的不会离开了~

我有点吓到!

第一句始听起来还觉得还觉得这位男士很赞,非常尊重他的女友。但,听到结尾,我有种冲动想跑去和她女友说:“小心!”(虽然我不认识他的女友)

最后,我默默的笑了一下。

我也曾是一位在外商工作,世界各国跑透透的独立女性。
也曾是生活满满,信心满满,自由自在,没有包袱的女孩。
现在,是3个孩子的母亲,每天满满的行程接送小孩,
以前,看得都是财务报表,
现在,读得都是ABC & ㄅㄆㄇ。
以前,到高山滑雪,海底看珊瑚,喝着tequila shots。
现在,拜托米老鼠和我小孩抱抱,在人工浅浅的儿童水池“泡脚”,每天挤新鲜果只给先生和小孩喝。

我的生活变了,
我对这世界的感受变了,
我觉得我更丰富了,
我觉得我更有爱了,
我爱我的小孩,
每天虽然读ABC,但,我学习更多,成长更多。

我依然怀念我以前的生活,以前的独立,以前的自由,我还是希望有一天我可以再次拥有以前的生活。
可是,我更珍惜我现在有的!

每一天,都在挑战我的极限!
每一天,我都会开心的笑!
每一天,我都体验天真的学习!
每一天,我都感受宇宙的奥妙!

可能,我不再是一个游戏爱情的女子;
以前,真的就像那位A男士说的一样,吵个架就可以说 bye bye.
现在,我有3个我永远不想跟它们说 byebye 的天使!

他们让我要更好,要更美。
我因为他们而有魅力,而丰富。

想想,我打消那个想冲去跟那位陌生的A男士女友说“小心!”的念头。

是福?


In this vigorous, straightforward letter, American statesman and scientist Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) encourages a friend to marry. Failing that, Franklin says, his friend should favor "old women to young ones."

Advice on the Choice of a Mistress
by Benjamin Franklin
Philadelphia, June 25, 1745

My dear Friend:


I know of no medicine fit to diminish the violent natural inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper remedy. It is the most natural state of man, and therefore the state in which you are most likely to find solid happiness. Your reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well founded. The circumstantial advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the man and woman united that make the complete human being. Separate, she wants his force of body and strength of reason; he, her fitness, sensibility, and acute discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the world. A single man has not nearly the Value he would have in the state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors. If you get a prudent healthy wife, your industry in your profession, with her good economy, will be a fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this counsel and persist in thinking a commerce with the sex inevitable, then I repeat my former advice, that in all your amours you should prefer old women to young ones. You call this a paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:

  1. Because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

  2. Because when women cease to be handsome they study to be good. To maintain their influence over men, they supply the diminution of beauty by an augmentation of utility. They learn to do a thousand services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old woman who is not a good woman.

  3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much inconvenience.

  4. Because through more experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. The commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old woman, who would kindly take care of a young man, form his manners by her good counsels, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.

  5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all cats are gray, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement.

  6. Because the sin is less. The debauching a virgin may be her ruin, and make her for life unhappy.

  7. Because the compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflection; none of which can attend the making an old woman happy.


8thly and lastly. They are so grateful!!
Thus much for my paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely

Your affectionate friend,

B. Franklin

结婚,要不要?
〉〉幸福婚姻:结婚礼俗知多少?
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